We Are the Lucky Ones

I’ve been mulling over putting up a post for some time now.  I just wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it, or admit it, but I also wanted to update the few people who still might check this blog.  Yes, that lead in is what you suspect: a pregnancy announcement.  We are thrilled to be having another baby this October.  This time it’s a sweet baby boy.  We could not feel more pleased with how things have worked out.

Since this blog was started as on outlet for the Big Huge Emotions I was feeling while trying, and failing, to get pregnant, I’ve never felt much of a pull to update it with other things.  It didn’t feel right, knowing that so many other women out there are still struggling and wanting and feeling those Big Huge Emotions.  However, I do think updating on the last year and how we got here (26 weeks pregnant) is a part of my infertility story.  Even if it turns out I’m not so infertile anymore.

My fun, charming, hilarious toddler was born in 2014.  After 3 years of trying, one loss, 6 failed IUIs, much charting/temping/opking/crying and one random month of saline testing that for some reason got me knocked me up.  Looking back, I think I know why having an HSG and an attempted polyp removal in the cycle I conceived was helpful (and not harmful).  I think I had endometriosis.  Of course I knew this was a possibility, and our treatment would have been the same as what we were prepping to do, IVF, but in hindsight I think that’s what it was.  I think the polyp removal functioned much like a uterine scratch would have.  It helped prime and maybe clean out my lining to help an embryo stick.  I’d always had heavy, painful periods, but still within the range of normal.  Endo had certainly crossed my mind as a possible issue.  But since you can’t get a diagnosis without surgery, it never made sense to pursue it.  Maybe I would have skipped the IUIs if I’d known, but otherwise I’m not sure what else I would have done differently.

The other big thing that points to me having endometriosis is that pregnancy seems to have cured my infertility.  I know this can happen with some women with endo, and my TTC life post-baby seems to confirm my theory.

I nursed my daughter until she was 9 months old.  We weaned pretty slowly from about 7.5 months to 9 months, but my cycle didn’t come back until I’d stopped completely.  And then it was like clock work.  Two weeks after our last nursing session, I thought I saw signs of ovulation and two weeks after that my period came for the first time in a LONG time.  It was lighter and easier than it ever had been in the past.  We hadn’t been having much sex (nursing and having an infant does that I hear) so we’d only used condoms a few times before she was 6 months old, just in case.  But after I weaned, my body felt healed, and while I can’t say I was ready, I knew waiting for the “I’m ready” feeling was not a good idea.  So I tracked my cycle a bit and we said we’d try once a month.  Meaning, we’d aim to have sex once around a time that might help us conceive.  No pressure, just not wasting time either.  Given our track record, this seemed like a good idea.

I found out I was pregnant again two weeks after my daughter turned 1.  I think we’d had sex once the month prior, kinda around the time I thought I was ovulating.  So I was SHOCKED to get a nice strong positive the day after my period was due.  As I wrote about here, we lost that pregnancy just before 8 weeks.  I was crushed.  It felt like history was repeating itself and that my quick pregnancy would now be followed with years of trying and wanting and failing, since that’s what happened the first time around.

Instead, 2 months later in October, I saw another positive test.  I had tested two days before my period because I’d had a random day of spotting that seemed odd.  I got a very faint positive.  I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t even tell my husband because I wanted it to get darker first.  However, that was not to be.  Each day I tested the line got lighter and harder to see.  I bought a digital out of desperation the day after my period was due, even though other tests were so faint it was hard to see.  The digital came up positive, but 24 hours later my period came.  It was 2 days late, but otherwise normal. A classic chemical pregnancy.

So now I was faced with 2 pregnancies that happened SO much faster and easier than I’d though possible, but also with the fact that I’d lost them both.  I clung to the hope that now I was fertile, so getting pregnant again might not be a problem.  I am so glad I was right.

Two more months, in January of this year, I took another test.  It was a beautiful positive from the start.  I peed on about 15 sticks in 5 days and then stopped.  I knew it was out of my hands and I just needed to wait it out.  I didn’t even call the doctor for 2 weeks since I wasn’t sure it mattered.  Thankfully, it progressed perfectly.  I saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks, had a perfect NT scan at 12 weeks and another perfect anatomy scan at 20 weeks.  When the tech announced it was a boy, I finally felt a huge wave of relief.  Now I could bond, now I could let myself love this baby, now I could hope.  I’m having a son, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I still catch myself wondering about our future fertility.  Though, I have no idea if we’ll try for a 3rd one day.  There were years when that hope felt foolish at best, so we really never made it past planning for 1.  I think there is a good chance this is my last pregnancy and baby.  We won’t close the door, but we also will most likely enter the world of preventing pregnancy after this baby which is CRAZY WEIRD.  It’s also crazy lucky and I feel so grateful I can think like that.

My daughter will be just over 2 years old when her brother is born.  I think she’s going to be the best big sister.  We are the lucky ones indeed.

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