Returned

Well, ahem, hi there!

So I never meant to go ghost right after my sweet babe was born. But I guess most people never really mean to do that, unless they’ve written a send off post.  I have an insanely long, rambling birth story sitting in my drafts folder.  Editing it, and making sure I captured it the way I wanted, just seemed a task I never got around too. I added to it lots here and there, but I’m still a little scared to look at it!  I didn’t feel like I could come back without first putting out my birth story.  And then, well, OOPS, I never did that and now it’s been almost a whole year.  I’m sorry about the drop, I get annoyed at other bloggers who just disappear and now I’m one of the guilty.

Life has been full and happy and hectic and wonderful.  I love being a mama with every ounce of my being.  I think I always would have loved it, but spending two years desperately trying and yearning and hoping and grieving has really made it that much sweeter.  I tell my daughter every day how grateful I am to have her. I find myself whispering in her ears “I love you my angel, more than you will ever know”.  I am more patient that I ever thought I could be with another person.  She is magic, she is joy and she is mine right here on earth.  I still sometimes can’t believe it.

She turns one in just two short weeks.  I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting about this time last year, right before I gave birth.  I had a good friend who just had a baby 2 weeks ago, and I’ve been reliving my early, hazy, hard, fabulous newborn days through her.  I still feel so new at this whole mama thing, so it’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year!  Can I still say I’m a “new mom” because I sure do still feel like one.  Will that ever go away?  I’m not so sure.

I’ve kept reading along with so many of you, even though I was a delinquent poster.  So many of the wonderful ladies I followed while I struggled have welcomed babies.  It’s really amazing and it fills me with joy each time a new birth announcement comes out.  These are wanted, loved, cherished babes who are born and immediately soothe this huge pain their mamas carried around for so long.  It’s incredible to witness.  However, it does make the ache in my heart grow a bit sharper for those who are still waiting.  I am so sorry you are still waiting.  It’s not fair and I wish I could make it better. I can not wait until your pain is soothed too.

As I approach my sweet one’s 1st birthday, I am going to try to get out my birth story.  A year late is better than never right?!  I needed to clear the air first, and put out there that I will do it, so that I actually WILL do it.

Stay tuned and we’ll talk soon :).

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4 thoughts on “Returned

  1. No. Way. One year old already?! That’s wild! Congrats mama! I’m with you–being a mommy has pushed my limits and taught me what unconditional love really is. When she’s sleeping on my lap I will hold my pee for hours and watch her sleep. It’s insane. I love it ❤ Also I still haven't written/published my birth story. XOXO

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