I can not believe that I am here, 30 weeks pregnant. I have to say, after the long first 16 weeks or so, once I hit 20 weeks things have been FLYING by. Part of that is because we have been so insanely busy. We bought a house, did a bunch of work to it, and moved in last weekend. Moving while 29 weeks pregnant wasn’t so bad, mainly because I didn’t carry a thing but the broom, but *packing* while 29 weeks pregnant was not fun at all. Repeatedly bending over to put all of our stuff into boxes really wore me down. I have been SO tired for the last two weeks and I think it’s a combination of being so busy and of officially slamming into that 3rd trimester wall everyone talks about. I didn’t even realize how much energy I had in the 2nd trimester until it was gone. I have never felt like running a marathon, but I used to be able to keep my eyes open past 10pm. Those days are long gone.
However, life is truly, really, wonderful. We run errands non-stop on the weekend trying to get our house in order. It’s a million little things like new shower curtain rods, towel racks and a nice new kitchen trashcan combined with big things like buying a dining room table and chairs. We are bleeding money at an alarming rate. We’ve been saving saving saving our pennies for this very time in our lives, so we have the money to spend, but it’s still disconcerting to spend almost $1000 at Target in one week (EEEKK!). I mean, yikes. But we need stuff! And for so long I’ve put off buying anything new for our little apartment in the city because I knew one day we’d have a house and I’d want to choose something that worked in the house, not our apt.
On that note, I think that’s something that contributed to my infertility depression. I knew it at the time, but just didn’t see a way out of it. We really put our home life on hold. We stopped house hunting once we realized a pregnancy wasn’t coming as easily as we thought it would. That put a huge portion of our lives on hold. We loved our city apartment, we loved living in our awesome neighborhood, but I did feel stalled in that place for 2 years. I wouldn’t even buy new throw pillows because I knew we’d have a new couch one day and I’d want to buy new ones for that. Plus, I had no where to store the old ones, and I didn’t want to get rid of them completely. So we lived, for years, with throw pillows I pretty much hated. You can see how stacking up things on the list of “Things We Can Only Do Once We Are Pregnant” is not a wise move. Alas, over time, that list grew and grew and grew and month after month the unhappiness about it grew too. In some ways, I’m glad to get it all done now that we do have a house. But in other ways, looking back, I wish I’d allowed myself a bit more peace in the space we occupied for so long. I’m not sure what I’d do differently, but I know I am so happy to finally be moving forward with these parts of my life. It’s a bit like things are on *fast* forward, but that’s okay, I’ll take it.
Things with the bebe are fabulous. I had an ultrasound last week and she was looking so big! She’s head down currently, which is where I’m hoping she’ll stay. The tech estimated her as about 3.5 lbs. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how she will (most likely) more than double in size over the next 10 weeks and it’s blowing my mind. I feel pretty big already! I sort of love it though, getting to this stage where I am perhaps saying good bye to my cutest pregnant days. I have been waiting for so long to be huge and pregnant, I’m ready for it. Even if my booty seems to be growing at a similar rate (scary) I am still pretty in love with being pregnant. I’d read it a million times before I was pregnant, but there is nothing more amazing than being able to feel your little one move inside you. When I wake up at night to pee, I usually wake her up too, and when I lay back down she does a little jig for me. It’s annoying because I am trying to sleep, but I really do love it. It lets me know she’s thriving and growing and getting stronger, and I’d gladly lose sleep for those reasons.
I am so thankful to be where I am. I feel beyond lucky to have landed the amazing husband that I have, to have the family that I do, to be in a charming house we saved so hard for and most of all, for the privilege of bringing this little girl into the world. While I’m nervous about labor, I am mostly starting to get so so excited to meet this awesome creature we made.