Our 6th IUI did not work. Even though I had my biggest follicle yet, even though I managed to squeeze in some extra sex sessions with my husband, even though we so badly wanted it to work, it didn’t. We have no more plans to try IUI again at this point. Most people will even tell you not to do more than 3 before moving on, but I am now glad we did all we could.
In the end the 6 IUIs cost us close to the amount we would have paid for one try at IVF, just over the course of 8 months and 6 tries. I try not to add it up too exactly, but I think it was over $10,000 on IUIs. While in hindsight that seems insane, while choosing each month to move forward with an IUI or to move to IVF, it really made sense to us to as many IUIs as seemed reasonable. One IUI is a fraction of the cost of IVF and it just always seemed worth it to us since it’s so much less invasive and easier on my body. It was the right choice for us, even though it didn’t work out.
So now, what’s next? We’ll be moving onto IVF as soon as possible. We are thinking about changing clinics, so we need to talk to the new doctor. And we’ll talk to my current doctor about our options there too. Then we’ll decided which one to go with, get a protocol laid out for us and move on from there.
This week was hard. Very hard. I feel defeated and discouraged and weepy. I used to see treatment as the light at the end of the tunnel, and now that I have exhausted what I consider to be 1/2 my treatment options, I am terrified. IUIs not working was one thing. But if IVF doesn’t work? Then what? IVF has always been my secret weapon, my emergency panic button, my rainy day fund. What happens after I’ve done it and I am still childless? The emotional stakes just got raised big time and I am so scared this will fail us too.
When doing IUIs I always knew that life on the other side would involve either IVF or a child. I could see my life going in either direction and it gave me comfort when things failed. With IVF, my outcomes are a child or what? I have no idea what comes after the “or” and I’m not sure I want to find out.