5 IUIs down, 1 to go

I’m still waiting for the call from my RE, but I am 99.9% sure that IUI #5 was a bust. (**edited to add: got the call, it’s a bust**)  Is it weird I’m not even really that sad about it?  I’ve felt sort of numb this whole cycle.  Of course I psyched myself up right after the IUI about all the ways *this* time was different and better, but I guess not quite psyched enough to feel a huge let down.  It’s like I’m so used to it failing, I just expect it now.  Even if I manage some hope, I know that until I see both lines on the pee stick, none of it matters.  No twinge, feeling, soreness, magical cm, mystery symptom matters at ALL unless I see a positive pee stick.

I’m glad that these negative tests don’t knock me down the way used to.  But at the same time I kind of miss feeling sad about it.  I don’t want it to ruin my weekend, but a few hours of pouting and a few tears never hurt anyone right?  I will admit that I do already have my Post-Negative Beta Party all planned out for tonight.  It involves a huge order of sushi and an already chilled bottle of prosecco.  Come to your (barren) mama little ones, I’m going to devour you.

My husband is really set on us doing a 6th IUI since that’s what the doctor recommended.  It’s a number that’s thrown around a lot as the max you should do before moving on because if SIX perfect inseminations don’t work, chances are you need more help than that.  I’m torn.  I get his argument that before spending $12,000 on IVF he wants to be able to say we tried everything else recommended by our RE.  But.  It’s not working and I feel like I’m just running in circles. We’ve had textbook perfect IUIs.  My follicles have always been a good size, there’s always been multiple follicles with one dominant one, my husband’s sperm counts have been great to excellent, our post wash numbers have always been strong.  My tubes are clear, we have no known issues, we supplement with sex at home.  So why the hell can’t his washed super sperm find my clomid-pumped eggs after being placed perfectly into my uterus?!  Honestly, what the fuck is going on?  If we can’t get pregnant like this I have NO hope we’d ever be able to do get knocked up naturally.

Even though my heart isn’t really in it, I think I’ll do this last IUI.  But mentally, I’m already preparing myself for the torture of IVF to start, possibly as soon as the end of September.  Any suggestions of things I should do to get ready for IVF?  Mentally, emotionally and physically?  I need all the help I can get.

7 thoughts on “5 IUIs down, 1 to go

  1. Sorry for all my posts today – I’m getting caught up!!! You know what they say, you’re still in the game until you get a confirmed negative beta, so as hard as it might be try to stay at least a little positive. Ugh, I can’t believe I just typed that, please don’t hold it against me!! I feel like you have a good story for this IUI (gross public bathroom trigger shot and all) so in my mind that means it has to be successful so you can recount the gory details for years to come!!

    Keeping my fingers crossed that #5 is the charm for you guys!!!

    • I know, I should just wait for the call. But I’m 14 dpo today and I took at test this morning that was 100% negative. Though I guess maybe I’ll have to take my trigger shot somewhere exciting/gross next month too, just to keep the story good…

  2. I know the frustration of IUI all too well. I couldn’t understand (still can’t) why all these IUIs wouldn’t work. WHY? tubes = open. follicles = good size (sometimes multiple) sperm = good count. hormones = normal range. So what gives? Unexplained is the worst. I’m convinced there is something going on for all us “unexplained”, but what? Undiagnosed endo? Something they haven’t discovered yet?? So, SO frustrating.

    • Yes I am convinced there’s something too. Endo or an allergy or an environmental factor. It’s probably different for each unexplained case which is why they never figure it out. At least that’s my unscientific theory! So frustrating when it’s you though…

  3. Although IVF is tough, is honestly not as bad as I thought it would be. I’m not an expert in IUI but I think you pretty much go through the worst bits of IVF …the waiting and the emotional ups and downs. To see if your ovaries have down regulated, if your follies have grown, if you get any eggs, if they fertilise, if transfer goes ok…and then the dreaded 2ww, which is by far the worst of it, but you’re already a pro at it! I was very lucky and had very few side effects from the drugs – mainly just a head ache from the down reg drugs.
    Diet wise check out the advise from @ivfdivas on Twitter… they list vitamins and basically lots of protein. Wishing you lots of luck xx

    • Thanks so much! This makes me feel so much better. I guess I’m worried about how much more intense the injectable drugs are. Right now I take one shot a month, my trigger and I’ve had only mild side effects from clomid. I will check out ivfdivas, I need to get on twitter I guess…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s